When my boo Oprah Winfrey’s talk show on ABC ended, she reflected on what she had observed after interviewing women, men, and children from all walks of life, all ages, and with all different issues that impacted their lives. She found a common thread. It is the same thread I have found speaking to and coaching black women as a self-love and confidence coach. Oprah stated:
“The show has taught me there is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering, and that is unworthiness. Not feeling worthy enough to own the life you were created for. Even people who believe they deserve to be happy and have nice things often don’t feel worthy once they have them.
There is a difference, you know, between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing you are worthy of happiness. . . . What I got was we often block our own blessings because we don’t feel inherently good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or worthy enough.”
So if you’re reading this, chances are you have felt unworthy at some point in your life. You are NOT alone! So whenever you get into that state of feeling unworthy”, use any of the following to up your worthiness game honey:
Do Meaningful Work
Ensure that you have pinpointed and are following your purpose. When you focus on doing what you have been called to do, you realize that you bring tremendous value to others and the universe. The universe wouldn’t be the same without your contribution.
Even if you don’t work at your dream job that fulfills this purpose…volunteer, do community service, start a side hustle, blog about it, and so on so that you begin to make an impact even if it is on a small percent of people…it matters. You matter. This is how you begin to claim yourself as an expert. When you connect to something larger then yourself, you feel good about it. When you do work that is meaningful and purposeful then you feel better about yourself.
Get to Know Yourself Better
As rapper Drake sense, “Know Yourself, Know Your Worth.” If you don’t know yourself, then you can’t possibly know what is amazing about you! Identify your strengths, know your personality type, discover what careers work best for your temparent, get to know your astrological sign and what characteristics it entails, figure out whether you are introvert or extrovert, and so on. Know yourself and then embrace that self. Google all of those things to help you start this journey. The more you know about something, the more confident you are in that area. So when you get to know yourself better, you will automatically feel more confident and courageous within yourself. It’s hard to find value, in someone you barely know. Get to yourself and make it a PRIORITY!
Take Care of Yourself
Take time for yourself. Every single day. You have to believe that it is crucial and a necessity for you to have at least 30 minutes per day of “me time.” Reading a magazine, exercising, watching something on your DVR, napping, drinking a glass of wine, painting, journaling, taking a bath…anything you do ALONE that brings you happiness, peace, and pleasure. You are worthy of being pampered every damn day. Act like it!
Acknowledge and Feel Negative Emotions & Thoughts
Negativity will always find its little ugly way to pop up. When you feel those emotions coming, feel it. As black women so often we are raised to keep it all together, and never show emotion. But, that only hurts is in the end.
Let that cry come out. Feel that anger. Experience that sadness or hopelessness. Feelings will pass. Honor yourself by feeling them first and letting them go.
Negative thoughts are no different. Acknowledge them. This is the perfect time to pull out a journal and write down: what am I experiencing? Why is this happening now? What is the root of these thoughts are feelings? Is it really true? Why or why not? How can I change this around to be positive? Pinpoint your limitation and rephrase it into a positive affirmation.
F *%k Shame & Perfection
Worthiness is often attached to shame, perfection, judgement, rejection, and validation. To those say “f*%k you” because those things will always be an issue if you let them run your life. No one on the planet is perfect! Not me. Not you. Not the women you admire or envy. They are not perfect. Even if someone’se Facebook is popping. She still struggles. Believe it! No one is off the hook from the above feelings. However, there are women who have learned to be unstoppable despite those things.
Slowly but surely tell yourself that you love yourself regardless of your imperfections, failures, mistakes, choices, and so on. Be compassionate with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Besides, how you treat yourself is how others will treat you. How do you want to be treated? Well, then treat yourself in that manner. Treat yourself with the utmost compassion, love and respect regardless of what happens in your life. You are always responsible for honoring yourself.
As for other people and their rejection and judgement…to be honest if someone does say something negative, it is reflection of their own insecurities not yours. Focus less on what others think, and more on what makes you feel GOOD!
Put these into practice. They are not over-night solutions. But, they are stepping stones for you to feel more worthy and valuable. Take a step. Reflect. Take another one. Reflect. Revise and keep going.
You can’t RISE if you aren’t willing to do the inner work necessary to make it happen.
You don’t have to feel worthy to start. But, you have to start to begin to feel more worthy.